Monday, April 27, 2009

stabbed again; and, EVIL SPERM POLICIES

This morning they took more of my blood (TSH, estradiol again, and progesterone being tested this time). Nasty business. But of my five assignments between consultations - two blood draws, an HSG, sending releases to get all my records in, and getting an SA - I've done everything but the SA. Well, that's more an "us" thing. Because (prepare for TMI - but then, SA is all about the TMI, right?) the principle of being open to life (for theology nerds who are unfamiliar, check out Humanae Vitae) means no sex acts that aren't open to life, hence no mas.turbation, hence sperm collection happens as a cooperative effort, with a hol-y condom (= open to life in theory, not that it's anything like likely. Although conceiving WHEN using the holy condom as an IFer would be HILARIOUS, yes?). Why do I bring this up? Because I'm obsessed with, wait, that's not why.

My RE (whom I love) gave me a cute little sperm sample kit thingy, including a requisition for a local fertility clinic that does SAs. So since that's our last requirement, I finally dug it out and called the place today to see what their schedule was. I figured my best bet was them being open early in the morning (this seems feasible), next-best was them being open Friday when I sometimes have the day off, and Saturday would be really easy but unlikely. Hahahahaha.

Guess what hours this fertility clinic has for sample collection for SAs? 1PM-3PM, Monday through Thursday. EIGHT HOURS A WEEK. Obviously, the fact that we both have to participate mildly increases the factors that have to align in our case (but this place is about two miles from my house, so it's actually not that bad logistically), BUT SERIOUSLY. Who, male or female, can take off work in THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON in THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK to go home and have sex? OR to go to some ninny clinic and leave a sample? These people are running some kind of screwy operation.

Anyway, I called my clinic and they gave me another place to look at - but this time 20 miles from my house; that's not going to work well either since they have to get the sample in 30-45 minutes or it turns into a pumpkin. So now I will be looking at my insurance company's website to see what options there are in the area that do this and then calling THEM ALL to get their hours. Which project will certainly impede doing this sooner rather than later.

I mean, all the hassle for IF testing (not even treatment yet!), and it seems like the administrivia should not be an ADDITIONAL hurdle. Because my endometriosis is not causing these people to have a stupid schedule for SAs. So quit it, already.

P.S. I still want to hear all about your theoretical child. (Mine is introduced in this post.)


  1. Wow, I never contemplated how complicated this seemingly simple test can get, especially if your faith has certain requirements... I hope you solve the puzzle soon!

  2. Good luck with that SA. Those collection kits aren't the most comfortable (or they weren't for me, but then again, it was during post peak when I'm drier). The middle of the day is an unreasonable time. Not everyone can get off in the middle of the day. Or if you can, you're using a lot of vacation time to do it. There's only one place in our area that does SA's, and they're nto the greatest. The forgot about us the first time, so we gave them the sample well after the 1 hour cut off. But their SA collection time is much better: mornings, 7:00 - 11:00.

  3. Wow- those are really weird hours for the clinic!! Hope you can figure out a way to get away in the middle of the day!!

  4. PS. I am working on a theoretical child post! :)

  5. Good luck! We were lucky that we live in a small enough town that the clinic that needed PC's sample was close and open all day. I know though - those SA's put a whole new twist on lunchtime quickies!