Friday, April 24, 2009

My kid is cuter than your kid.

If you are wondering, have you devolved into madness entirely - yes, and seriously, where have you been? But, as always, there is a method. Join in, if you're so inclined. All will become clear. (And don't forget to check out other people's theoretical kids, linked in the comments to the explanatory post!)

Anyway, I have to play my own game. My theoretical child (the oldest of several theoretical children):

Her name is Anna Valentine Mary [Surname]. I almost wasn't willing to share that name, my name for my first daughter, but (a) I don't think other people will probably want it and (b) if you steal it, the joke's on you, 'cause it's a family name, and I have way more cred with it. Ten things:
  1. She's six, and she's about to be in some serious trouble with her momma for wearing tinted contacts at that age, 'cause her dad and I both have blue eyes, so that's sort of a lock.

  2. She started talking at a fairly early age and plain has not shut up since, and she has to know "why" absolutely everything.

  3. Unlike her mother, however (but like her father), she cannot sit still for one minute together.

  4. As a result, her math skills are pretty atrocious, since she can't pick up on arithmetic unless she pays attention. I'm convinced she has the aptitude (after all, she's my kid!), but I can't even get her to listen long enough to learn division.

  5. Her teeth are WAY crooked, and insofar as she's lost baby teeth and is growing adult teeth, even worse. And braces are expensive...

  6. I may not have been entirely ladylike at her age, but you could see the indications. She, on the other hand, gets in fights with the boys on the playground, and I just don't know what I'm going to do with her.

  7. She loves Mary, which makes me happy, but she has developed an unfortunate habit of interrupting the teacher in CCD and derailing the lesson with questions.

  8. She is an oldest child, extremely bossy, and clearly thinks that mothers are a necessary evil. My mother thinks this is hilarious.

  9. She does not comb her hair, period. This is a rare picture when it has been combed this week. I finally understand why my mother's cutting skills were "so bad" that each trim turned into another bob-length haircut. I think I'm going to start doing that myself...

  10. I did eventually give in and get a dog, but unfortunately, it died when she was very young. Not a day has gone by in more than a year when she has not wheedled for one, and now I won't get one, just so as not to reward this behavior.
Also, a fact about her momma: other than for goofy blog projects, she doesn't share this information with others unless they clearly want to know.

What about your (theoretical) child?


  1. Hmmm...silly yet sad at the same time. Sad that we will never know what our angel babies would be like. All the details you mentioned really hit home for me. I like to think what my child would look like and be like, but there are so many details that I will just never know.

  2. she's a cutie - we'll have to get our (theoretical) kids together for a playdate!