I was trying to add a nifty new blog to my blogroll and I missed my clicking by maybe a quarter of an inch AND MY BLOGROLL VANISHED. It didn't even ask whether I was sure I wanted to delete, and I clicked "clear edits" immediately, and blogger IGNORED me, and then my ancient laptop had a fit and cascaded its windows (a total of 68 before I wrestled it to the ground - not bad).
I have managed, painstakingly, mind you, to reassemble what I am sure is the bulk of my blogroll. Everyone who has followed or commented, I have. And I could remember people in large batches too (the Catholic bloggers; the people whose names are "The ___ Infertile" or something to that effect; all the obvious categories).
But I AM SURE I HAVE MISSED PEOPLE whose blogs I want to read. Of course, if they have never commented on my blog, they won't cry, and I shouldn't either. But it still bothers me that something might be missing from my four months of accumulation and I might not remember! (I'm definitely missing someone whose last post was "Suddenly - suddenly six months," and somebody else whose last post was "Just checking in" or some such. If anyone knows which websites these are, please remind me!)
Also. I kind of want to write a post about how while I don't have issues with the pregnant/those with small children (I really don't), I am sort of maybe thinking about developing an issue with those whose blogs (which I think were formerly infertility blogs?) are now exclusively for posting their baby pictures and baby milestones. Obviously, family wants nothing more than to see pictures of the baby taken EVERY FIVE MINUTES and a point-by-point narration of the special seventeenth time the little bundle rolled over. And obviously, the joy in a little one to bring home is an important potential part of the IF journey (otherwise it's all complaining - or, better, eventually letting go, but people do get pregnant, sometimes, and then sometimes they have babies, and that's a good thing).
I'm in favor of other infertiles having babies (and then some!), and I'm not mad that they got there first or anything (especially the ones who were pregnant before I "met" them!). But, part of the reason I carved myself a tiny corner here in IFland was to be connected with other women struggling with infertility. That can absolutely include other women with secondary infertility, or infertiles who are pregnant, or infertiles who have babies. But I'm not sure it includes women all of whose blogworthy thoughts are about the baby, and who don't have time or the mentality, so far as I can tell, ever to read or comment on the blog of anyone who is ttc, or even give a nod to the idea of ttc.
Is that wrong? Will I feel differently if I make it to the other side? (Probably...maybe.) I'm not bitter - reading the baby diaries doesn't upset me. It just convinces me that these blogs are not for me, and I should probably focus my energies elsewhere. I feel bad about that, but I also have a pretty strong conviction that I am one of a group that is the least fair in the world to commandeer as a mandatory, one-way audience for the baby gushings of someone they have never met.
Maybe how this works is that a "generation" of infertile bloggers graduates to mommyhood approximately together, and then they really want to read about each other's kids (I have a feeling I'm not going to want to read ALL about babies even if I get there, but we'll see), and they don't think so much about IF any more, but that's OK with each other - and then some unlucky gal who's still ttc will get stuck in the middle of a bunch of graduated bloggers and have to elbow her way out and try to get a spot in the next generation. I feel like there are a few flaws in this theory (for example, what if the mommies try to have a second? Do they return to the fold and seek readership and comments from ttc bloggers whom they haven't read in a year or more?), but it might explain the larger dynamic that I am missing.
OK, so I guess this is a post about that. I've been wanting to bring this up for a while, but I don't want to upset anyone because no one has been anything but nice to me. But if anyone has any wisdom to share, I would love to hear it.