I thought by some time today I would have come up with some good new year's resolutions and could write a fascinating blog post about them. (OK, I didn't expect it to be that fascinating.) I've been lightly thinking about it for the last several weeks, and it's the sort of thing I get on board with, so some sort of useful resolve should have materialized by now, right? No such luck.
I think I'd like to have about three resolutions. Here are the things I'm considering. You help me decide. (Or save all your good decision-making skills for your own resolutions. Your call, I guess.)
(1) Lose weight. Actually, that definitely is going to be one of my resolutions, but it is not the single most important thing in my life or my year, so I refuse to put it out there as my one and only 2014 resolution. It needs to find its proper place in a constellation of resolutions. After fighting a protracted psychological battle about even the idea of weight loss (quick summary: I'm losing), I think I've come to the point where the goal is no longer in doubt and it's not appropriate about to dally around with half-measures and tell myself that I'd be delighted to lose weight if this or that small exercise of discipline happens to be sufficient. I need to buckle down, even if it means being really, really hungry. (I tried to lose just five pounds - unsuccessfully - last May; I managed to lose four, and I had myself nearly starving with hunger for two straight weeks. A normal, healthy metabolism does not react like that, and I truly believe the depo-provera is causing the weird metabolism, but I am no longer willing to rely on that excuse even if it is the truth. If I have to be hungry all the time and run until I drop and cut out other activities to make more time for exercise, then I will. I am not happy where I am and I am tired of being this dissatisfied with how I look and feel. An even better reason for the resolution: on Christmas Day, I got my period for the first time in almost two years [obviously an effect of the depo]. As a recap, I took my last dose at the beginning of February 2013, meaning that it wore off end of April 2013, meaning that it took eight months to get my cycle back - and it wasn't an all the way normal cycle, of course. My plan is to get my thyroid tested again after my next period and get a new prescription if I need one, which could only help - but I am losing this weight either way. This was also my resolution in 2010, and I had gotten myself into about the same place I am now, weight-wise and mentally, in about the same bizarre way - minus the depo, but in that case because I didn't know I was hypothyroid yet. And, for the record, I lost all the weight I planned to. It was difficult, but I did it. It upsets me that four years later I'm back to the same place, but at least until I started the depo I was doing a reasonable job keeping it off, and this time I hope it will stay off for good.)
(2) Pray more. That obviously is a stupid resolution because it doesn't say what I'm going to do, such that I could convince myself I was keeping it even if I weren't, or that I wasn't even if I were. A concrete resolution would be much more appropriate. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out what I want to do. Anything that seems likely to work strikes me as pathetic, and the things that sound worth doing I know very well I would not do. How about I start with something that's not actually a resolution for 2014: step up my daily Mass attendance a bit. I was doing pretty well for a while there in 2013, and I'd like to return to that - and I think it's perfectly feasible. Perhaps I will discover a good resolution along the way.
(3) More therapy. I started seeing a (really, really good) therapist in 2013. But I've been ridiculously inconsistent about scheduling appointments. In 2014, I need to see him more, and maybe make some progress on being healthy and ditching the baggage I've been carrying around for no decent reason. I think at least once a month would be a good goal - I know, that sounds pathetic, but it's better than I've been doing (even more pathetic!) and certainly better than not seeing a therapist, which was the state of affairs in 2012. And "at least once a month" doesn't foreclose going even more often, right?
(4) Nothing to do with the house. In all seriousness - I don't have any house-related resolutions. I have to-do lists and goals and notions, but I think I've done extremely well so far and I think resolutions are for places I'm falling behind and need a kick in the pants. In my humble opinion, "keep on trucking" is all I need to do here. I don't think I need to add anything cooking-related, either. I do have a goal of trying out some of the new recipes I've been collecting, but I don't think that really rises to the level of a resolution. Cooking is fun.
(5) Talk to my mother and my baby siblings a lot more. A few months ago I chaperoned a retreat on prayer (I think I mentioned this before), and came away with the conviction that I need to call my mother and wee siblings at least once a week. In the weeks since, I have not technically kept to that goal, but I've talked to both parties much more frequently than I had been before. I will resume efforts to keep to weekly calls, but the exact frequency isn't as important as just talking to them a lot more.
I'm trying to think beyond that. I could be a better housekeeper but in reality I think maybe 10% better would be a good goal; I could be easily 50% better, but then that would detract from other priorities and I have limited time (as everyone does) and I need to keep balance. I probably should eat healthier but I think it's actually more important for me not to be neurotic about food, and for all I eat unhealthy snacks (which I will be working on), I also eat a lot of really good food, and cook a lot of really good food; I don't think this area is broken. Of course I could always work on being a better wife (which I will also be working on. Don't tell my husband). I also need to work on being a better friend, but "meet new friends" is not on the list because I've done work in that direction for several years and I have been very fortunate in that area - truly, I am rich in wonderful people. I think I have enough hobbies. (Possibly too many. Don't answer that.) I guess I could be a better blogger? Maybe I should start packing my lunch from scratch instead of frozen lunches? That seems like letting the perfect be the enemy of the good.
Obviously, I need to improve in a lot more areas than I'm realizing. Help me out! Tell me about all the grievous flaws I need to fix!