Thursday, May 19, 2011

it would be funny, if...

So you all are bored stiff of me whining about how difficult it is to make an appointment with a therapist. Last week, I suddenly had not one but two specific referrals (one from the non-fertility-doctor, which has yet to arrive in the mail; one from Father, my spiritual director).

So I called the counselor Father recommended on Sunday and left a voicemail; his suggestion was that when I drive out to see him I could see her back-t0-back. She called back on Monday when I was in the airport about to board the plane and I didn't have time to have a (first) conversation with her, so I let it go to voicemail. That evening (after the airline lost my luggage and it took forever to get to my hotel) I listened to the message, in which she let me know she had an opening at 8:00 Wednesday if I was interested. I meant to call her back Tuesday but completely forgot. (No need to call her back immediately anyway - I was in Texas all week, right?)

She called again on Wednesday when I was standing in a crowd of coworkers about to head out to dinner. Definitely not a time to take that call! I listened to the voicemail message today over the lunch break, and she said, "hello, [misfit], it's 8:05PM Wednesday evening. We had an appointment for 8:00PM...I don't know whether you forgot, or maybe you're lost - please give me a call and let me know where you are."

No, I haven't left out any phone calls, emails, or events in this sequence. I have to say there's just a teeny bit of amusement value in the fact that after I've spent four months trying to get a therapist to just offer me an appointment, a therapist with whom I've never spoken gives me an appointment I never scheduled. A few years ago I would probably have left a sincerely and profusely apologetic message in response; several years and a significant number of anger issues later, I had to discipline myself to say, "I'm so sorry I missed you last night - I didn't realize we had an appointment," etc.

The work conference has actually not been bad. I appear to have started my fertile phase this week (typical), and this cycle I didn't take femara CD3-7 as I did the previous two cycles. The femara appeared to have reduced the ovarian pain I'd been having approximately CD7-10 pretty substantially, but it also made it look much less definite that I ovulated - my temperature spiked high but very briefly, and well before p+7 it was as low as my pre-peak temperatures. I suppose it's possible that it somehow prevented me ovulating, and that (as the radiologist speculated) I have scarring around one ovary (the right one, I suspect) and it tightens when my ovary swells prior to ovulation. (Of course, that wouldn't explain why I had really bad ovarian pain every month.)

Anyway - I was too dumb to see it coming, but off the femara, I've been in an awful lot of pain for the last two days, and I'm really hoping I don't wake up in pain again tomorrow. My next plan is to start HCG (this cycle, if I get the prescription filled fast enough), and I wonder whether, if my theory about the femara preventing me from ovulating is correct, the HCG will increase the ovarian pain. Because in that case, I might spend my fertile phase every month at home on narcotics. At least, until I figure out what I can take to prevent me ovulating so I don't have to be in pain every month or have another surgery (ad infinitum until the endometriosis decides that it would prefer to be in remission).

The principle of double effect has never been so fascinating...


  1. Weird that the therapist thought you had an appointment - some people are odd that way! Well at least it sounds like she follows up!

    And sorry for the pain - this sucks. I hope you can get it figured out soon!

  2. Ummm...funny and ironic too, right? Well, I am glad she at least is showing interest and hopefully this will turn into a good relationship. I am glad to hear you are enjoying Texas. I haven't ever spent anytime there - I don't think a layover in the Houston airport counts, but I have heard it is great. Sorry about the ovulation pain, but good luck on the HCG!

  3. How strange that this therapist assumed that you were going to see her! How strange and frustrating all at the same time!

    I'm sorry about the pain you're experiencing. Mine was less on Femara than it was on Clomid, but still there nonetheless. Stupid endo.

    I love HCG! I tried a few things to boost my progesterone and it was the only drug that did the trick i don't even mind the needles anymore!

  4. I also heart HCG. It boosts my progesterone and keeps me from going too wacko mood-wise post peak.