Monday, May 2, 2011


Our realtor predicted that we would hear something from the bank approving the short sale this week. "This week" does not mean Monday and of course it wouldn't, anyway, because businesses, especially inefficient ones, are shaking themselves out of a weekend stupor on Mondays. I know this perfectly well.

Nevertheless I have become unexpectedly antsy.

Now I am suddenly concerned that the bank may refuse our offer. Previously, I figured there was no serious possibility of this (though I always understood that it was possible that the bank would ignore our offer, in which case we would also not get the house). I have also been thinking about the possibility that the bank will ask us to "improve" our offer. My first answer to this is "No," followed by, "Are you kidding me?" I plan to get copies of charts to indicate that in the two months the bank has sat on our offer, interest rates have gone up, and housing prices have gone down (while our offer has stayed the same).

But most of all I realize that I am not entirely emotionally ready to move.

Yes, I have bought Rubbermaid storage containers (and filled a few of them). Yes, we have weeded through all of our collections of things and thrown out or donated substantial amounts. Yes, I have begun obtaining cardboard boxes (and I have an appointment to get more - precious liquor boxes this time, the very best boxes for packing books - on Friday). Yes, I have repaired all the things in our little rental that needed repairing (cabinet door: CONQUERED!). I'm even partway to having the place clean. And yes, I've been working (slowly) toward finding a replacement tenant. But I will be sad to leave.

We inadvertently stumbled on a rental property (the only one we looked at) that was an easy commute to both our jobs and centrally located for all our friends - with the bonus of free street parking and a church parking lot down the street that is empty on weekends (in this area, that is a serious coup - invaluable for parties). And it's over a century old, with original hardwood floors throughout, a working woodburning fireplace, a laundry room with a huge closet area, and an absolutely enormous yard that grows blackberries and daffodils all by itself. It doesn't have a guest room and it isn't really ours, but I will still miss this dear little house. We really made it a home.

Most of all, I will miss the people. We have done very little entertaining in the last six months - before my DH started his job that sent him all over the world, we threw big parties on a frequent basis. Now that he's not traveling any more, we don't really do anything. I appreciate getting a little bit more sleep, but I miss having people to fuss over and feed. And even though we're not doing that here now, this house is still impregnated with the memories of a lot of joy and laughter, and I am afraid that our new house won't see any of that. I will make a genuine effort to be welcoming and fun, but I won't try to force the issue. If people don't want to come visit, I will just let it go.

I realized when my sister was here in the fall for a few weeks that to feel happy and lighthearted and as though my life is full, I don't need babies after all. I want there to be family to come home to, and for some reason just my DH doesn't cut it (I don't know why not) - but it doesn't have to be small children. If I had roommates...or adult family around...or very close friends as close neighbors...something like community, I think, then I would be happy. If I had people with whom to share, not an evening in a bar on Friday night (I spend a lot of time in bars for someone who hates them so), but a normal dinner on a normal Tuesday, like it was just normal to do so, then I would have a family.

This might be even more difficult than procuring a baby, but I am going to keep searching.


  1. I'm hoping and praying that you hear soon about your house! Since I already own a home, you definitely deserve a new house before I do!

  2. Good luck with the house - I'm hoping you can get the loan, and close easily! And soon find the sense of community that you're looking for...

  3. That goal - community - sounds so worth working towards. Still have my fingers crossed and praying for your house.

  4. Mother's Day weekend is here and I'm praying for you.