Wednesday, February 2, 2011

hey, Cleopatra

My chart for this month is hardly a thing of beauty. We didn't "use" the best days (although certainly days that would get a fertile pregnant. Must not think about this). I have seven days of fertile CM recorded, but I know that's not totally accurate; there were seven days when I had clear, stretchy, and slippery, but I'm sure if I paid better attention I could figure out which ones really counted properly. And though the temps were surely bi-phasic, they wander around wildly. And I mostly remembered to take progesterone in my luteal phase, but not perfectly, so I have had a little bit of spotting, but only a little. And today is p+11 or p+12, which is pretty good for me, but nothing to write home about. And this morning I woke up with an extra symptom of the coming cycle. And I have been - well, it's possible that I have been just a little cranky. But only just a little. And, you know, for good reasons. And then there's the fact that (despite the fact that I was supposed to start HCG two cycles ago) I'm actually not on a treatment regimen just now, other than the progesterone I guess, and I clearly am getting worse, and the next thing I have scheduled is an ultrasound to see how much worse I've gotten.

All of this means sadness. Which means that I am expecting my cycle to start. And if I know that that's coming, then it's not like anything other than the expected is happening, so WHY AM I SAD?

This is clearly not worth the emotional energy. I am going to look into the possibility of a nice hysterectomy and vegetative propagation.

5 comments:

  1. Argh, our silly useless uteri (that is the plural, right?). It's normal to feel sad before AF, I think it has to do with hormones dropping or something like that.

    Seven days of great CM is pretty good though. There's at least something to be positive about!

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  2. I personally never felt depressed, just sad that it was another missed chance every anovulatory cycle I had (we couldn't really try then, so there was no chance of baby). The ovulatory cycles were depressing.

    I think there's an overall sadness no matter what, though. And it's tough to deal with under any circumstance.

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  3. I get all emotional when a new cycle is about to begin...I make it my "motto" to never make any big decisions around that time...I know I'm thinking with my emotions and not with my head. Hope you feel better soon!

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  4. I feel like that, too, sometimes. Hope you're feeling better today!

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  5. Even if you have no reason to be sad around AF (like for instance, you're adopting), your mind doesn't necessarily communicate that to your brain so you inexplicably find yourself crying over the littlest thing. Wait, we were discussing you here, not me :).
    When you say "clearly I'm getting worse", do you mean pain-wise or wacky cycle-wise? I had some periods of adjustment while the prog. was doing it's thing. It's not a smooth transition from estrogen/progesterone imbalance to more balanced hormones, so our bodies tend to be all over the place at first. Hopefully you didn't mean pain-wise - I'm hoping you'll have a much easier AF this time...

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