Monday, October 18, 2010

all the small things

(I suspect I've used this title before...)

All is OK here in misfit-land. My DH is traveling again, but not for so long this time - and this is his last trip abroad for work! WA-HOO!!!

On the other hand, I have become so extremely defensive of my territory (i.e., the house in which I live, in which any potential intruders, spiders to squish, garbage to take out, mail to sort, bills to pay, and any other difficulty that comes up are squarely MY PROBLEM) that I don't really "let him in" even when he is home. He is sort of an accessory-husband now, rather than an essential part of my life. I have to work on this when he gets back, but as usual I have no idea where to start. Ah, well. Graces solve the problems in my life that I can't identify, explain, or solve. Right?

I met with Father again. Per your lovely suggestions, I brought fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies. (There's nothing wrong with staying up until 1AM to bake eight dozen cookies. That is completely normal.) He really seemed to appreciate them, so I will be bringing more food next time. Should I stick with baked goods? I make good pie, and cobbler, and a few more kinds of cookies, and cheesecake, and some fall-appropriate quickbreads. So that might give me an excuse to bake. Oh, and maybe some fresh bread. That would require heroically good planning, though.

He made some suggestions. I am going to read The Story of a Soul (again) and I think Introduction to the Devout Life. And I may be praying a decade of the Rosary every day - or at least, on some days. And I have thought that I probably should try to spend an hour in Adoration every week. I haven't gotten back to daily Mass yet, but I really feel like I need to be in (not should be in, like a good person would do so - but have a need to be there) Adoration. So I hope I make that happen before the feeling wears off.

Saturday my sister went with me to see a house - the first we've visited in a while. It looks like this (but appears larger in the picture than it is):

I liked everything I saw. Let's see, in bullets:
  • awesome price
  • everything in good condition
  • would renovate the kitchen to make it better but serviceable now
  • adorable and historic
  • in perfectly nice neighborhood, walkable to daily Mass and the rail line I need
  • three bedrooms, all equally tiny
  • cute attic but NOT finish-able (not tall enough to stand in)
  • one full bath and room to add a half downstairs
  • no room to add another full bath anywhere; and the existing one is quite small

I know I've looked at houses way bigger than I need, and I know I need to think seriously about how much space we need if we're not going to have kids. But I've always figured that when we buy, we could have one bathroom big enough for a big tub (not insanely big); a bedroom big enough for a queen bed; and a living room AND a library, even if neither is specially large. Do I need that? Would I find I didn't notice the lack of those things, or would I resent being stuck in a house that didn't have them?

The misfit has encountered an unexpected real estate problem: I don't know what I want. Unfortunately the realtor expects me to make a decision on whether to make an offer, and I do not feel emotionally equipped to do this.

Yesterday we spent a lovely day in the mountains with friends. It was an all-day Sunday sort of thing, which I thought was a judgment error to begin with. Remind me never to do this again; if you work Monday, you cannot undertake a ten-hour (counting driving) Sunday activity. I am so exhausted now. But the company was charming. And a friend brought her four kids (ages three to eight). I saw that coming, so no real problem. The girl adopted me about halfway through the day, sat on my lap without invitation, informed me she was on my team for board games (though the game was too difficult for children to play), and wouldn't leave my side. I generally ignore other people's children unless they are hitting me with something or running in traffic, so I was mildly surprised, but I guess it didn't do any harm. Maybe it's like cats - I always noticed growing up that our highly aloof purebred Siamese would hide from all guests...unless the guest was violently allergic or pathologically hated cats. Then they would find the person, sneak outside his field of vision, jump up on his lap when he wasn't looking, and settle down for a nap, firmly attached, with that self-satisfied expression that only cats can do quite like that.

Also, you have to read this, because it is awesome.

Also also, I am not in the 2ww. That would imply that I am waiting, which would imply an expected outcome, and, in this case, would imply an expected pregnancy. That obviously is not the case - it's never the case, with me - and consequently it clearly is not the case that I'm conscious of being in the 2ww, checking my temperature to see where the spike lines up, trying pointlessly to convince FF that I have ovulated, being aware of the passage of days, noting that we gave it a really good shot this month. There would be no reason for me to do any of those things.


  1. Can I just say I hate, no, I LOATHE FF. Loathe may not even be strong enough.

    Anyhoo, this house sounds great! If you're torn about making an offer, though, I'd say hold off for better. When it's THE house, the reservations are minimal. (And I don't subscribe to the idea that there is only ONE house for everyone, just so you know. This may be THE house for you now, but if it fell through, there's always OTHER "THE" houses out there waiting for you to find them and fall in love.)

    Too funny about the kid. Kids used to do that to me back in the day (High School) but not anymore. Hmmm... wonder what that means?

  2. Yey for more limited traveling.
    Are there pictures of this house? - always so exciting. Did you take the banner photo yesterday? It's gorgeous.
    The linked post was great - so true - but what with all those things you knocked off your todo list this year, I hardly think it's applicable in your case.
    Wrt the last bit - I am sorry. There are some things that just (redacted) remain sub-obtimal and I wish they wouldn't be happening to you. It's good to see it's only part of your news, no matter how big or small that part may be. (I was just thinking about you a few minutes ago and then your post popped up!)

  3. Oh I feel the same way about my territory and my hubs - he comes in the house and messes it all up! And I'm so protective! Isn't that bizarre how protective we can get over our spaces???

  4. Ooooh, I checked back and there was a picture! I think that house is adorable and I am so glad you've found one that has so many things you like. How long has it been on the market?

    I rarely have a true 2ww. It's more like a "When-is-that-b*tch,-AF,-going-to-show-up Wait." I never really expect for there to be a positive outcome at this point, so what is worth waiting for?

    PS That link is kind of like my life. In fact, I'm surprised I'm commenting. I'm being awfully productive today...

  5. In answer: I didn't take the banner photo at all (I'm a very poor photographer), but it's of a place very dear to my heart. And, TCIE, I think you're right - I think I would just WANT the house if it were the right one. But I'll keep thinking it over for a little bit. And, I have added a photo.

  6. I'm territorial about my house and my hubs is always around!!! What does that say about me???

    I would also love to see more pics of this cute house! It's adorable!

  7. I think the house is cute, but bathrooms are a hard choice. I think, and you are under no obligation to go with this, that bathroom space is vital. You can renovate a bathroom like we did, where you update things and the cost isn't astronomical. But building a bathroom from nothing is harder and more expensive. And, yes, I do resent that I got talked into a house that does not have a big enough bathtub for good baths. I miss my big soaking tub all the time. All the time.

  8. It is tough to decide where to start with your hubs, but having him home more will help. It is no surprise that you are 'territorial' when you are the one who is home the most.
    Holding out hope for your wait . . .

  9. Oh, the re-adjustment phase is a doozy. Snicks and I typically manage to have one good "heated discussion" after one of us returns from life on the road. Sometimes life (ie - cooking, cleaning, being an adult - oh, loved the post you linked to) is easier when there is one person around. One thing we've done is hired a cleaning lady to take that task (which I love to do, really truly) and neutralize it. That way, I don't feel like he's messing up my work, he's messing up the cleaning lady's work.

    If I start giving you more frequent and better direction will you send me baked goods, too? This could be a good deal for me since the quality of the baked goods will far outweigh the quality of my advice :)

    I like the house, but think you should LOVE it. Not that I have ever bought a house (see, bad advice already).

  10. Hubby and I wish often that we had bought a smaller house to start with. Mostly because we're not staying in MD, therefore this house won't be THE house we're going to (somehow) fill with kids, so it's a lot of empty, unused square footage. Still, however small the house, at least two bathrooms is a must for me. I can't stand waiting to pee, and when you have people over it gets particularly annoying.
    Hubby and I have said that our next house will have a huge kitchen with an open living room den off of it and room for a library. Everything else is inconsequential :). Tiny bedrooms, tiny bathrooms, are all annoying but they aren't places I spend much time anyway so can deal with better.
    I think TCIE is right - if it was the right house, those imperfections wouldn't be an issue for you.