All is OK here in misfit-land. My DH is traveling again, but not for so long this time - and this is his last trip abroad for work! WA-HOO!!!
On the other hand, I have become so extremely defensive of my territory (i.e., the house in which I live, in which any potential intruders, spiders to squish, garbage to take out, mail to sort, bills to pay, and any other difficulty that comes up are squarely MY PROBLEM) that I don't really "let him in" even when he is home. He is sort of an accessory-husband now, rather than an essential part of my life. I have to work on this when he gets back, but as usual I have no idea where to start. Ah, well. Graces solve the problems in my life that I can't identify, explain, or solve. Right?
I met with Father again. Per your lovely suggestions, I brought fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies. (There's nothing wrong with staying up until 1AM to bake eight dozen cookies. That is completely normal.) He really seemed to appreciate them, so I will be bringing more food next time. Should I stick with baked goods? I make good pie, and cobbler, and a few more kinds of cookies, and cheesecake, and some fall-appropriate quickbreads. So that might give me an excuse to bake. Oh, and maybe some fresh bread. That would require heroically good planning, though.
He made some suggestions. I am going to read The Story of a Soul (again) and I think Introduction to the Devout Life. And I may be praying a decade of the Rosary every day - or at least, on some days. And I have thought that I probably should try to spend an hour in Adoration every week. I haven't gotten back to daily Mass yet, but I really feel like I need to be in (not should be in, like a good person would do so - but have a need to be there) Adoration. So I hope I make that happen before the feeling wears off.
Saturday my sister went with me to see a house - the first we've visited in a while. It looks like this (but appears larger in the picture than it is):
I liked everything I saw. Let's see, in bullets:
- awesome price
- everything in good condition
- would renovate the kitchen to make it better but serviceable now
- adorable and historic
- in perfectly nice neighborhood, walkable to daily Mass and the rail line I need
- three bedrooms, all equally tiny
- cute attic but NOT finish-able (not tall enough to stand in)
- one full bath and room to add a half downstairs
- no room to add another full bath anywhere; and the existing one is quite small
I know I've looked at houses way bigger than I need, and I know I need to think seriously about how much space we need if we're not going to have kids. But I've always figured that when we buy, we could have one bathroom big enough for a big tub (not insanely big); a bedroom big enough for a queen bed; and a living room AND a library, even if neither is specially large. Do I need that? Would I find I didn't notice the lack of those things, or would I resent being stuck in a house that didn't have them?
The misfit has encountered an unexpected real estate problem: I don't know what I want. Unfortunately the realtor expects me to make a decision on whether to make an offer, and I do not feel emotionally equipped to do this.
Yesterday we spent a lovely day in the mountains with friends. It was an all-day Sunday sort of thing, which I thought was a judgment error to begin with. Remind me never to do this again; if you work Monday, you cannot undertake a ten-hour (counting driving) Sunday activity. I am so exhausted now. But the company was charming. And a friend brought her four kids (ages three to eight). I saw that coming, so no real problem. The girl adopted me about halfway through the day, sat on my lap without invitation, informed me she was on my team for board games (though the game was too difficult for children to play), and wouldn't leave my side. I generally ignore other people's children unless they are hitting me with something or running in traffic, so I was mildly surprised, but I guess it didn't do any harm. Maybe it's like cats - I always noticed growing up that our highly aloof purebred Siamese would hide from all guests...unless the guest was violently allergic or pathologically hated cats. Then they would find the person, sneak outside his field of vision, jump up on his lap when he wasn't looking, and settle down for a nap, firmly attached, with that self-satisfied expression that only cats can do quite like that.
Also, you have to read this, because it is awesome.
Also also, I am not in the 2ww. That would imply that I am waiting, which would imply an expected outcome, and, in this case, would imply an expected pregnancy. That obviously is not the case - it's never the case, with me - and consequently it clearly is not the case that I'm conscious of being in the 2ww, checking my temperature to see where the spike lines up, trying pointlessly to convince FF that I have ovulated, being aware of the passage of days, noting that we gave it a really good shot this month. There would be no reason for me to do any of those things.