Friday, July 16, 2010

the infertility contest

So first, yes, our friend did write back to my husband's email. To the effect of she was incredibly passionate about supporting us in the right way, and a lot of things that frankly upset me about how I would be a good mother and this was so hard. Thing is, I don't doubt that she's 100% sincere. She may well cry more over my childlessness than I do.

But that doesn't make this response the easiest one for me to take (fortunately it was sent to my DH so I actually don't have to reply), and honestly, if I send her a "how to deal with an infertile friend" guide, which at some point I may, it's mainly going to say, "Don't talk about your kids/pregnancy/labor/parenting issues unless I ask." That's all I really want.

Anyway. I'm actually posting today because I had a brilliant idea, and it involves YOU.

So there's a couple in our area we hang out with all the time who are also infertile. We go to a lot of the same parties, and often after one of these, when I'm thinking it will just be "Did you hear Joe has a new girlfriend?" and "Did you meet that Alice girl? She was a hoot!" instead we all find ourselves learning of appalling-to-have-with-an-infertile conversations that somebody had to endure. Sometimes multiple somebodies, but the most frequent victim is the other wife, because she's just so extremely nice that people (MEN) think they should tell her for 20 minutes running about the unbelievable blessings of parenthood that they could never have imagined beforehand and couldn't fathom living without (and if there is a capital punishment in the infertile penal code, which I would absolutely support, I think this offense is a good candidate for it).

Anyway, these post-party recaps that we often do are a frequent source of amusement, and (especially on my part) outrage. And it occurred to me that we should really institute a contest - after we take our leave, we should all evaluate and decide who was forced to endure the worst infertility-related situation at the event. I think this would add an element of sport to a phenomenon otherwise marked merely with dread. I'm still trying to sell the others on it, but I may be making headway. (I even mentioned the idea to Father, who heartily approved - he said it was particularly Catholic to find humor in suffering, and it seemed like a healthy response.)

So then I was thinking that it would be fun to have a sort of similar blog contest, since I always get such a kick out of hearing others' stories of this kind. Here is what I propose.

The Contest

(1) The contest would be open for a whole month - say, until August 16. That way people who are traveling or only check blogs occasionally could play if they like.

(2) The contest would be for the worst infertility-related experience of its type. There would be several categories:
  • most outrageous statement about infertility/children/parenting that has been made to you personally
  • craziest infertility remedy suggested to you personally
  • most outlandish infertility or TTC treatment/remedy/good luck charm you have actually done or used (must include results)
  • most outrageous public backlash or spectacle you've ever engaged in regarding IF/TTC
  • please suggest others I've missed!
(3) "To you personally" will also include to your spouse.

(4) You must be infertile/secondarily infertile/RPL to play, whether you have kids or not, and whether you are still TTC or not.

(5) I'd have to judge subjectively, so I can't compete. I'd award some sort of silly prize - suggestions welcome.

(6) You can "enter" the contest by submitting your entry in a comment on this post, or commenting with a link to a blog post where you've discussed the occurrence you're using as an entry.

(7) Everyone is welcome to lobby for or against others' submissions!

I hope this will be a bit of infertility fun for everyone.


  1. Is this a one entry per person deal? I've got some thoughts on my possible entry/ies. This sounds like a good laugh and I'm looking forward to it. You should put this as a link on your blog so that people can find it.

  2. this is hilarious, I like the idea of making humor out of it all. i must say my situations are not contest worthy, I guess I should be thankful, but I will tell a little funny tale (in my mind). My sister told me I should totally lay with lay legs on the wall after bding. I was appalled, telling her that I was putting my faith in napro science, not wives tails. turned out, I was doing the SF instructions for avoiding, not trying-duh!-and I actually was supposed to "hang out" for at least 30 min instead of running off to the bathroom right away like I did before. So she was actually right, sort of, and I joke that I got preg first time we actually "did it correctly" which sounds even funnier...of course that preg didn't last, but it goes to show you that you really shouldn't pee two sec after-not helpful in ttc!

  3. Mrs. B: good thoughts. I would say, send in all the entries you have. The cream will rise to the top!

    I will work on creating a nice button tonight.

  4. I love it! What a good idea. I'll need to think about it to come up with something good, but I am interested to see what other people have to say!

  5. I love your humor! I was sitting here laughing and understanding your whole post about the friend of your husband. So nice to know that other people feel the annoyances at times too!

    Interested in this competition! I don't have much to offer, but I will definitely start thinking!

  6. I love this idea and am scouring my brand to remember the most awful experience I had so far!

    As for suggestions for the prizes - I vote for two batteries . . . thanks to Ann's great hairdresser, it might be the secret to IF :) That was said in good humor, not to be ugly!

  7. what a great idea. anyone who's able to find humour in this horrendous situation has grace beyone measure, really!

  8. FABULOUS!!!! I am so in. Will you provide an email address for us to send you stuff, so as to keep it "secret" until the unveiling? Will you post all entries or just the winners? Maybe a top ten list?

    I've got a couple, but I'll wait until you work out the details. This sounds like so much fun! :-D

  9. Oh, and I just sent you an email. :-D

  10. I know I have a few to share myself....and one comment I just got recently...I was floored but like a good IF woman...I brushed it off...I really don't think this particular person thought about what she said. Any who...I'll have to check my old journals and blogs for stories. I love the idea! I will email mine to you when I'm ready.

  11. I love this idea! I have only been on this journey for not quite 2 years, but I am on board. I like the new layout, sometimes my life definitely feels like a storm a brewin!

  12. Okay, I love this! I will say though - I have a few doozies, but they aren't so much funny as jaw-droppingly, tear-inducingly (is that a word?) inappropriate. Funnily enough, both of the ones I'm thinking of came from the same guy (our "friend" F., of course).

  13. This is right up my alley. As I sit and read, I find myself hoping against hope to be highly insulted tomorrow at a family BBQ just so I can come back and possibly win!

  14. I think JellyBelly's recent bashing from her uncle may just win an award or two...

    How do we submit? Like blondies, I have a couple ;)

  15. Oh, duh, you clearly said submit by linking on this post.
    OK, so here's my "worst IF conversation I had to endure": (I'll call it "TTC Advice from a SuperFertile.")

    And as for most outlandish TTC remedy I've tried- (and I've done some pretty crazy shit) - I'd have to say after the acupuncturist told me that my uterus didn't feel as warm as it should, and asked if my feet were cold, because the warmth of the feet correlates to the warmth of the uterus... I had my DH grab a blowdryer and blow hot air on my socked footsies after the deed one night. I wish I was kidding. There I was, legs up in the air, fuzzy socks, and a custom foot warming.
    Results? I'm as barren as ever.

  16. You know this REALLY isn't funny at all but thought I'd share. We moved to South America 2 years ago with the embassy and I got pregnant... again... and I miscarried... again. I believe that was number 8 but seriously, I've lost count. And of course I don't even miscarry like a normal person... I hemorrhage. So, I went to the hospital for a DNC. Can you believe they put me in the maternity ward. And I mean a HUGE room filled with beds with women in labor and the woman right next to me feeding her newborn. Really?

  17. The most ridiculous MEDICAL advice I was ever given was by my first OBGYN (prior to our MFI diagnosis). My uterus is tilted, and so he told me to do it "backwards." As in doggie-style. So, for several months, that's what we did.

    Obviously, it didn't work, but I still blush when I think about that conversation. :-)

  18. So, I forgot to put up the links to my submissions:
    This was said to my Hubby, not me:
    And to me, but not about our infertility specifically:
    And the "you can have mine!" comment, which is always fun:
    The "when you're done having fun, then you should have kids"...because this IF is just too much fun to give up:
    Most outlandish treatment I have done:
    I'm sure there are more that I'm not thinking of...

  19. OK, Family of Four... you take the cake.

    Seriously??? Wow.

  20. How about the time (or times, actually) when my mother offered to carry a baby for me? I know she meant well,, no thank you.

  21. We were at a Christmas party one year, and a friend of Grant came up to me and said, Congratulations! to which I responded, for what? He informed me that I was pregnant. "no I'm not" said I. and he came back with Yes you are. We did this a few times until I convinced him that I was NOT pregnant and then he was VERY apologetic, we had been ttc for about 5 yrs at the time. Poor man was very excited for us. It was a different woman at the party that was preggo.........oops!

  22. I know this contest is way over, but I thought I'd share 2 funny/annoying stories anyways. I had a sonohystogram and while going thru that fabulous procedure, the tech, after injecting the water while still looking at the screen said "you have the most photogenic insides I've ever seen".

    "Thanks...I think", said I!

    And secondly, a very good friend with very good intentions (and a good time of infertility) told me that she concieved right after she stopped using shaving cream to shave her legs. Right. Another friend said I should eat "womb-like" fruits like avocados. Right.
    Jumped right on those two bandwagons.