Sunday, October 11, 2009

soldiering on

If you haven't figured it out, I decided at some time this morning to live-blog bowel prep day. It's not STRICTLY live, but reasonably. I assume here that no one in the blogosphere has a weak stomach. I know live-blogging the State of the Union and such is more typical, but my life is way more exciting than that.

The day is going very slowly, but at the same time it is much later than I was hoping it would be at this point. I decided to take my shower (with antiseptic), go to the store and get some dramamine (to prevent vomiting - med student friend very helpful here as it turns out, but she pointed out that there are alternatives to the Golightly they could have prescribed and it occurs to me that writing out a scrip for each would be wise if prep day is Sunday. Heaven knows no patient is going to take ALL of BOTH), and then do the laundry and clean the bathroom (my dear darling husband cleaned most of the rest of everything yesterday, including the hideous collection of feathers under our bed. No, we do not have some deranged chicken fetish - we have a down comforter).

First, being all responsible, I decided to take another dose of antibiotic #2. I'm supposed to take four doses each of two antibiotics. The first one is flagyl, and it apparently causes nausea also (it did make me gaggy, but I didn't feel nauseous until after the Go Lightly). Since I was really queasy, I figured I would just take the less-evil antibiotic, as gaggy seemed likely to lead to me vomiting the flagyl and that would just be a waste. I haven't had a lot of episodes of false bravery today, but I overestimated my stamina here. Two pills of antibiotic #2 and about forty-five seconds and I vomited up the entire contents of my stomach, which, fortunately, was two antibiotic tablets, shreds of chocolate Ex-Lax, and a bunch of juice and ginger ale. I guess I'll have to make do with three total doses of antibiotic #2.

I then took a shower, vomited again for good measure, got dressed, put in a load of laundry, and am now off to the drugstore. We do not have any dramamine (or benadryl) in the cupboards, so I will fetch some of that, plus an enema. I have a pathological fear of enemas (Sew's bravery is well beyond my ability to imagine), but I think it's wise. Though my plan is to mix some Golightly with grape juice (over ice, apparently - it sounds like the stuff would be even WORSE chilled over ice, but I haven't tried it, so we'll see), I don't know how much I'll be able to choke down. I was advised not to take any more Ex-Lax (don't mix laxatives, apparently. Who knew?), and apparently they cannot do anything bowel-related until all I am passing is water. Whatever I have consumed to date has definitely not had that effect.

Takeaway from the day thus far: if you have to do bowel prep, don't consume anything but clear liquids for TWO days before (so there's less to pass and less laxative is needed). Do NOT add water to your Golightly. Rather, put half the powder in a blender with a tray of ice cubes, a can of red bull, a liter of Mountain Dew, and four to six shots of Vodka, to taste. Blend. Bring blender to bathroom, remove all clothing, lock door, sit on stack of old newspapers in front of potty (seat up), and consume pitcher. Leave when bowels return to quiet (make sure no one else needs bathroom for two hours); if not passing water by this point, repeat with remaining half.

It's just a theory.

Also, in my house, you can get to the bathroom through two doors: one from the laundry room, the other from the bedroom. My husband decided to occupy the bedroom napping and playing on the internet until 1PM, while I was in the, er, throes of various Golightly-related sequelae, traveling frequently in and out of the bathroom (mostly in). Is this grounds for annulment?

1 comment:

  1. Oh my gosh! So glad you have your med student friend to ask these questions. It's little comfort, but I shared your posts with dh. You brightened our evening. Feel better soon and hang in there.