Thank you all for your kindness and your generous words of comfort. They mean a great deal. And they remind me that I can hardly bemoan my fate, the wife of a doubting Catholic, when I have not been zealous in practicing that faith myself. I need to do more than I have been. I started a novena to St. Jude, after Jeremiah's wonderful suggestion. I think a daily Rosary is not a bad idea but I need to get myself in a good frame of mind to actually do it or I will wimp out.
I feel bad for posting something so upset after vanishing for a while. There are good things happening too. I have been getting more and more mobile and steady. I've been needing less sleep - but probably getting still less than I need, and I know I will heal faster if I sleep more. I'm not sure on the Friday and Saturday after major surgery on Monday, most people decide to host parties until 3AM and 5AM, respectively. On the other hand, I had my sister and my husband to do most of the cleaning (I did contribute a bit), and carry all the groceries, and be gracious to the guests when it took me several minutes to pry myself out of the couch and I couldn't greet everyone immediately. And it was really nice to see people.
I've not abandoned my housing hobby. Just another week or so until the last contingency closes on the tan house, and I either find a good comparable sale price or get to visit another potential home, if the sale falls through. And of course, I haven't gotten off the home decor kick. Although I tend toward the super-traditional (without going all the way to "your grandma's mausoleum" or "Victorian museum," I hope), there are some very good ideas incorporated in contemporary designs that I need to learn from: