Monday, September 14, 2009

the Lord God made them all (but I don't know what He was thinking)

Two Thursdays ago (that's September 3rd, for those scoring at home - and honestly, is there a better place to be scoring?), when I had my visit with the endocrinologist (among the things of which endometriosis has robbed me is a convenient abbreviation for this woman's job title), I realized I was in the same hospital where I get my blood drawn, and I should drag my leaden carcass and my latest bloodwork requisition down to the lab and git 'er done. Which I did.

Last week it occurred to me that it had been a little while and I might want to call in today to check up on those. I was going to today, but I just didn't (see leaden carcass, above). But at 6pm - she called me! I feel like a high school girl. I got a phone call!! Speaking of which, I was one of the girls who got asked on exactly zero dates in high school, which, in retrospect, was a blessing. But have you ever thought about whether you'd have had normal fertility - no endo, no POF, blah, blah, blah - if you'd just gotten knocked up at sixteen?

Anyway, here's what she said. Second testing also says I have no thyroid antibodies - so no Hashimoto's. Good, but if I didn't inherit it, why am I hypothyroid? Could poor exercise and depression actually *cause* this?

Also, when I was planning to call her, I was going to ask whether she could move my TSH target range to 1-2, rather than under 3 (in response to everyone's wonderful advice). But apparently no need - she says my level is 1.4! (Or was that 1.48?) Previously it was over 7.

So that's good news. Well, largely. It does mean that hypothyroidism was not the cause of my IF, since I had been on that dose for two months when my blood was drawn. And today is CD2. (On the other hand, with my insides being a veritable multimedia collage of damage and disease, and virtually every hormone level abnormal, who really believed that a little synthroid was all I needed?)

The other thing is that I was hoping my TSH was still very high and I needed to double my dosage of synthroid. I still feel exhausted all the time (I know the not sleeping is part of that), and slow and heavy, with no endurance at all. I've been going to the gym at work to do biking and stairs (I *will* conquer the hips), which should build muscle mass. If it's made a difference so far, I haven't noticed. I can do maybe five minutes before I'm exhausted. Is it possible that all the cysts and adhesions and gas and abdominal pain are taking so much out of me that I always feel weak and sleepy? I feel so old. I'm not ready to be old yet.

In far less ambivalent news, a week or two ago I noticed a bug on the kitchen counter (and squashed it). I didn't recognize it, but there are lots of bugs in VA I've never seen before (and I don't like any of them). I figured I'd find out what it was eventually. I've squashed about one a day since then, and one, maybe two, has gotten away.

Today, I realized I'd also noticed a gradual change in their appearance. The first one was gray (and vaguely resembled a pill bug). The one I killed this morning was slightly larger, and shiny and brown-black. I walked to the bus stop with a heavy heart, mystery solved. Hideous internet pictures confirmed my suspicions. Tonight I am buying every version of roach poison I can find. I caught it early. I hope. But I am distraught. I know they're very hard to get rid of (thank God we have a house, and no super-close neighbors).

I feel this is a grave judgment on me as a person. Sure, I have a few dirty dishes in the sink, but I've never had a spotless kitchen, and I've never had roaches before! What kind of person brings roaches into a roach-free home? I hope I can make inroads into the population before my husband gets home. That will make me feel a little better.


  1. I've never seen bugs in NY like I see in VA. They're so big! I've been told that the ones we've had are water bugs, but I just googled it and discovered that those are in fact roaches! AHHHHH!! I refuse to believe it's a reflection on our cleanliness because I was at a friend's house when they had to kill one too, and like I said, I went thirty years without seeing any in upstate NY. I give you a lot of credit for taking care of them yourself, I usually lock myself in a bedroom and barricade the bottom of the doors with towels until my husband gets home!

  2. It's just a thyroid fun-filled day, isn't it??

    I'm glad your levels are all looking good now. But also bummed that it means there's more to fix. One step at a time, right? (Can't we skip steps, like going up the stairs 2 at a time??)

    Eeek, roaches! I think you should invest in 4 cats and 2 dogs. I never have roaches :P

  3. Eek! Roaches!

    Well I'm glad you blood is leveling out, now to battle the fatigue....

  4. No judgment. It happens to everyone, I assure you. I have an annual "bombing" schedule where I basically coat my house in chemicals (that can't be good for fertility) all for the sake of avoiding ever seeing one of those dreadful things.

  5. No judgment. It happens to everyone, I assure you. I have an annual "bombing" schedule where I basically coat my entire house in chemicals (that can't be good for fertility) all for the sake of trying to avoid ever seeing one of those dreadful things.

  6. About the thyroid - a lot of people's TSH levels improve on Synthroid without their symptoms improving because it's a T-4 only med. The website has some really good info about why that is. TSH unfortunately is not the best indicator of what is going on with your thyroid hormones...your symptoms are.
    By the way, I have a serious fear of cockroaches. I'm not a fan of bugs in general, but if I see a cockroach in the house I can't sleep.

  7. Roaches are such pains in the ass, and if you live next door to someone with roaches, they like to migrate. It's not you, I swear!

    I've wondered a lot whether I'd been able to get knocked up easily ten years ago.

    Great news on your TSH! But sad that it isn't helping you feel better.

  8. my husband and i have known each other since high school - we started dating right after we graduated. i've told him multiple times, what if we'd just tried to get pregnant and 16 when maybe my body was working properly.

    and of course, we'd have to some how freeze time for just the baby so that we could have it at the right age now, so that we could be where we are now with a baby..... very realistic.

    not like it was a possibility or anything we would have done, but it does make me wonder if it even could have happened then.

    oh... and roaches are soo gross. call an exterminator maybe?

  9. roaches! just go read Sew's post about maggots!! :)

  10. You progessive women taking care of these bug problems youself. I am impressed.

    Too bad the IF wasn't a quick take this little pill and all your problems will go away! I hoped in vain that that was the case for me as well.

    Hey, I come on over to my 'new' old blog sometime!

    Kathryn (aka lowly)

  11. Ugh, roaches. I dislike bugs as a rule, but big ones or those with many, many legs (like a lobster - you can't tell me that's not a giant sea bug) - well, just picture the look of disgust on my face. I'm sure you'll be able to get rid of the little buggers. I'ts not a reflection on your housekeeping. I don't think they care one way or the other.

    Yes, by the way, I believe infertility would have been much less of an issue ten years ago or, better yet, twenty. Aging doesn't improve matters.

  12. Ok - roaches - gross! Maybe it's another kind of bug and not a roach?

    On the thyroid, man, I feel the same way. I get home from work at 630/7 and I could fall asleep right then. I've gained weight with all of this crap and just feel bad. I wonder if it will ever get better... Good luck to you! Praying for NO MORE bugs! :-D