Monday, August 31, 2009

top 5 reasons the internet is better than having children

(Y'all have "furbabies," and I can't buy a pet now unless it's functional because that name gives me the creeping horrors. I'm sorry, it just does. But as of recently, I have this. It's tiny. It's adorable. Unfortunately it runs very slowly for reasons I can't yet discern, but I will fix that. And in my disturbed world, it is currently a stand-in for human offspring.)

What follows is my own very modest contribution to what is unquestionably an exalted genre. I think it indicates how I have been spending my time recently, and how desperately I need to get to my neglected chores before my girlfriend comes to visit this weekend.

Without further ado, then - the top five reasons the internet is better than having a family:

(5) An Aesthete's Lament. Fabulous ideas on design, timelessness, and perspective on the world. If I had such linguistic discipline, I would be a better blogger. His dining room tablecloth might be beyond forgiveness. But if people weren't flawed, they wouldn't be interesting.

(4) Lauren Luke's makeup tutorial videos. For some reason I find her voice absolutely mesmerizing and I've watched hours of these just to hear her talk. I also accidentally learned how to put on eyeshadow better.

(3) Design*Sponge. I showed you - and my internet usage will never be the same again - but I haven't shared this yet. Beautiful writing, they take design and aesthetics really seriously. Most enjoyable in my view for the beautiful photographs, the sneak peaks at the homes of real people (this is much more interesting to me than designers' portfolios), the punctuation by delightful recipes, and the sheer volume of new posts.

(2) The Thrifty Decor Chick. The only problem with design*sponge is that they are just relentlessly modern. I had to have some really sharp words with them about a period bathroom that somebody gutted to put some appalling hotel look into. Really, now. It looks like a hotel. And the hotel it looks like will invariably redecorate inside of five years, so what earthly reason was there to throw out that beautiful antique bathtub? Anyway. Sarah the thrifty decor chick has a blog that I think is morally superior: she buys honest-to-God inexpensive things at the Goodwill (that's my favorite furniture source!), she taught herself to use power tools from the novice state, and she shares everything she learned with her beloved readers. God bless her.

(1) 999reasonstolaughatinfertility. Fabulous as all of the above blogs are, they can't fairly compete with the best blog I have ever read or will ever read. I stumbled onto this from another blogger, but Naomi is brilliant, simply brilliant. And not only gifted, but personally responsible for bringing lightness and joy to many, many infertiles. It's not just that her top ten lists and situations are amusingly written. It's that they're soul-searingly true. I do think about how I could "beat" all my friends who are on baby number two (or three) if I had quadruplets. And I don't think about it in the humorous sense (although that's what I say if I mention it out loud). I actually want to beat my fertile friends by carrying high order multiples. I don't mean it's an unadulterated goal - I can see a lot of drawbacks - but there is a level at which this is really, really attractive. And she knows (of course she knows), and when she says it, it's funny. Plus, "cervical mucus office supplies" may be the funniest thing I have ever read.

Good night, internets. It's past my bedtime and I am soooo tired. And my house is a mess and I didn't go running despite the beautiful weather AND I didn't find a 2GB SDRAM card (how hard should that be really?), but TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY.


  1. I am definitely checking out that blog.

  2. That is a funny blog :). I would definitely take high order multiples over no kids, that's for sure.
    I don't think that the internet is better than kids, but I don't know how I'd do this infertility thing without it!

  3. 999 is hysterical... it's become one of my daily blog checks, along with cakewrecks and

    so i'm thinking of making an office/reading room out of my empty room.. i'm in the market for an old, antique-ish writing desk... any ideas on where to start looking?

  4. The internet is kind of like my baby too. I can relate.

    I also am in love with Naomi. She gets me to laugh when few things will.