Sunday, July 12, 2009

all the small things

So a few thoughts. First of all, I've tried commenting on almost all of the new posts on my blogroll now (a few still to read), but some of them are bouncing. Specifically, if your blogger is set to type in a comment, click "submit," and THEN offer a word verification, apparently blogger has added a new feature. Specifically, after you click "submit" the first time, it shows the word verification as a pop-up, with a preview of the comment. If you do the word verification and try to submit, it gives an error message. With the first couple of these I tried redoing the comment, but I got another error, so thereafter I only gave it one shot. I have therefore commented on several blogs in spirit.

I'm not sure I felt much different on my first day of synthroid. I did do more housework than I've done on one day in WEEKS, but I think that was more because I just dragged myself off my lazy behind and put some effort in, even though I felt no particular energy. It helped that my DH was out of the house for a few hours and I could put on the (yes, it is terrible) 94.7FM station with practically no "fresh" music, as indicated by the fact that even I know most of the songs. But they make me feel so much more energetic. I still have to take my pill for today...I know, stalling again.

Dealing with my DH has been a little hard recently. He's been looking for a job since January. At first he thought he had something lined up to start in March, but that fell through. He's been networking his behind off and applying for tons of things. It's really hard doing this, especially for an extended period, but he's been good about staying upbeat (he tends to be depressive), and he's accomplished a TON in that time. Quitting smoking may be top of that list, but it's got some competition. He's really done a lot. But every now and again, he succumbs to a real funk, and so it was last night and today. We had a board game rematch and I insisted on everyone playing Apples to Apples (an awesome game) rather than Trivial Pursuit, because the former is fun and sociable and not cutthroat at all, and the latter is no conversation or interaction, just hoping everyone else does badly so you win. But after we played Apples to Apples, the boys insisted we drag out Trivial Pursuit, and my DH swore up and down he would play nice. I knew better. My team won again (now undefeated), and he was really bitter - all the drive home he was saying that this was just one more thing indicating that nothing ever goes his way and it's just an indication that maybe there is no God. I mean, that's emotion talking, not logical at all, but I hate, hate when he's like this. If he were really having doubts in his faith, I'd like to think I'd be right there listening and understanding. But this isn't doubt, it's just venom, and I hate it. Anyway, if anybody around here has any spare prayer intentions (unlikely), I wouldn't turn down prayers that he finds a job and is in a better place very soon! I've been pretty blase through the job search, but it's just gotten really long recently. He spent the first year after graduation looking for a job and it was absolutely horrible. We're now at almost six months for this stretch. What is it supposed to be, another year? I know it's a bad economy, but he's applied for so many things that are actually hiring. I just don't think it's fair that we have to spend so much time uncertain even of where we're going to be living (we already don't know whether we'll ever have kids), unable really to save any money, worrying when there's a real unexpected expense (like the minor BUT STILL colossally expensive car repairs we paid for yesterday. Can anyone fill me in on why THE EXACT SAME parts and repairs cost 60% more in Virginia than in Michigan? It's the same COUNTRY), and just keeping our lives on hold until the next thing. I would so much prefer to stay home rather than to work, though I don't think that will be practical for a good long time; but right now it's not even worth thinking about, because we'd be homeless.

OK, I've been really, really good about not getting down about this, and now I'm ending my rant and moving on from this topic.

Oh, and something nasty put a big chop at the very bottom of the stem of my green pepper plant - the only vegetable actually growing something (the strawberries are growing too, though). I have no idea what did it, but the plant was flopped over. I righted it and staked it up, but I have no idea whether it can survive that. And its green pepper - which I meant to photograph to show you all - was nowhere to be seen. I finally found it across the garden, with big cuts in it (not bites - looked like it had been hacked with a very tiny axe, or dropped from a great height). It had gotten all of two inches long before the attack.

Also, I have killed another round of basil and rosemary (the fourth). The basil started withering and blackening after day two of eating by the hornworm (that I found and squished, in a truly traumatizing episode). I understand that the eating was really severe, but it had a few leaves left. Apparently not enough. And the rosemary, which was five inches tall and healthy, gave up, flopped over, blackened, and died, starting two days after I transplanted it (into nice potting soil). WTH??? At this point, I think it's personal. I'm not buying ANY MORE of these wretched herbs. Apparently, they don't want to be in my kitchen, and the feeling is now mutual.

HOWEVER, my eggplant sprouts - the little ones - are FINALLY thriving! The secret is apparently that they have to be not merely directly in the southern sunlight, but actually IN the window. And watered daily but just a few drops. Of course, the first bunch of survivors appeared the day after I bought a big plant at the store. Once I could see it was thriving in the kitchen, I put it in the garden, where it appears to have weathered transplant well. (By the way, I've also killed a healthy, thriving orchid - by following the directions on the stupid tag thing.)

Oh yes, and despite five days of 2400mg total of slow-release Mucinex (yes, the name brand version), and three pills a day of amoxicillin, my CM was practically undetectable. What there was that was stretchy could even have been SF that I was mistaking for CM. We were diligent about the TTC, but this is ridiculous. I've always had normal healthy CM. I'm taking tamoxifen, which Dr. L says shouldn't lower CM. My estrogen is more than double what it was, which should increase CM. And I'm taking about the strongest medicine available, which works for women who haven't really seen CM in years. And I have practically none when by rights I should have a bumper crop. But temperatures last cycle seem to confirm I did ovulate (not yet this cycle). What gives?

I think that's about all. Our weekend may not include a fun local excursion at the going rate (was supposed to be a hike on the Billy Goat Trail, but despite my enthusiasm for the outing, I will pitch a fit if we have to get a meal at that wretched lodge thing that charges $6 a glass for cider and $15 or something for french fries). Anyway, hope everyone is enjoying what down here is beautifully temperate weather. Seize your summer! Do something! I can attest I have felt better on the weekends when we have done so.

8 comments:

  1. I can never keep basil alive.

    I hate that new blogger word verification thing too.

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  2. My hubby is 4 months into his recent unemployment situation. This is the fourth time in the 8 years we have been together. I know how you feel. Mine tends to get grumpy and depressed as well. I will definately send an extra prayer your way.

    By the way...we love Apples to Apples too. It is even better if you play when everyone is starting to get sleepy; things are just so much funnier then :-)

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  3. Unemployment wrecks havoc on men the way IF does on women (men suffer, too, in IF, but differently, methinks). Have you let him know, in as loving a way as possible, how his bouts of despair affect you? Sometimes with my man, when he knows someone else is depending on his strength, he finds it a lot easier and more pleasant to step up to the plate. I'm of the school that any job is better than no job at all (esp if you're feeling financially pinched), so maybe he needs to go out and get something temporary or non-ideal until the right fit comes along.

    I'm so sorry all this CM stuff is driving you crazy. Why is it the things that are supposed to "fix" us so often screw us up even further? So frustrating!

    I'm also sorry to hear the plants are giving you trouble--are you getting them from the same place? Could there be something funky going on down at the nursery?

    Regardless, I hope you had a good rest of your weekend and got to get out and enjoy.

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear that your DH is having such trouble getting a job. It doesn't seem right that we don't get a free pass in other areas of our lives while struggling through something as heartbreaking as IF. It seems like there is no area of our lives that are under our control. I will definitely pray for him to find a job soon.

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  5. Son-of-a-monkey, the same thing just happened to me on your blog!!!! I just wrote a long-ass response and it was eaten!

    Let me paraphrase. Your herbs suck, your cm sucks, and unemployment sucks. Try ignoring the herbs (it works for me, I think they don't like attention), try B6 or omega fatty acids (though with all you're already on you should definately have niagara falls coming out your hoo-ha), and I will pray for you about the job thing.
    I remember when I was looking for (and failing) teaching jobs WHILE battling IF, it was the worst feeling ever. I felt like a useless human being. So I feel for your DH, and will pray that you two will triumph over all this stuff the devil's been throwing at you lately. (He's messing with a bunch of us... and it's ticking me off!)

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  6. my basil always dies too! actually, any thing i try to grow to use in the kitchen never makes it. yet it seems so easy....
    looking for a job sucks. just like IF. both of you are in my prayers!

    and... i love love love your new picture up top :)

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  7. I'm sorry that your DH is having such issues finding a job right now. Mine took about a year and a half after graduation to find a career-type job (he was working at a restaurant to pay the bills). I'll squeeze in a prayer for him.

    I hope your CM decides to be more cooperative soon. It sucks when the one thing that was working well becomes a big fail. I hope it gets sorted out soon.

    I hope your herbs decide to stop messing with you soon and start surviving.

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  8. Thank you for this lovely rant; I needed to hear that, since today I'm in a ranting mood myself. Sorry to hear about your man's job issues. I totally understand.

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