Thursday, June 11, 2009

rebellion: update - FURTHER rebellion


Last night, I remembered that in one of the bottles of A.leve that I keep everywhere (home, purse, office), at some point I stowed some amoxicillin pills I had left over from an ear infection, I think in college (and I graduated in 2003!). I kept them because my ears always got so horrible before I even made it to the doctor, but in the ensuing years I've been able to stave them off with su.dafed. I think when I was moving I didn't want extra bottles, so I put the pills together because I knew I could tell them apart...? This morning I dug through all the bottles and found them. I had three.

I have no idea whether penicillin products lose their effectiveness (or turn into poison!) over time, and I am not even going to look into whether this is the case, because I don't really care. I am also not going to look up the timing and dosage of amoxicillin for CM, although I believe it's explained in TCOYF. Instead, this morning I took one of them. Tomorrow I will take another, and the third on Saturday. I do not expect an improvement (actually, if there were one, it would make it difficult to determine why). There certainly has been no improvement in the few hours since I took the first one.

Maybe I'll get a yeast infection - never had one of those, so I can add it to the list. Maybe I'll die. Too bad. I have a tiny sliver of power - the medical community inadvertently left me with a few unsupervised antibiotic pills, and I am going to use them to maximum effect. Or, whatever effect is available.

UPDATE [please ignore lack of returns, blogger hates my update and won't display them]

I recognize my prior post might indicate that I'm opposed to more treatments and drugs. I dislike both treatments and drugs (also doctors), but I am willing to deal with them, or at least under protest. My true complaint is that the more treatments are necessary, the less they are likely to work. Shinejil is of course right: the wild emotion comes from a loss of control. (I actually said this on a comment on another blog. See, great minds!)

I don't think the problem is actually my RE, BTW - I am sure she is capable of analyzing and coming up for a treatment for CM problems. She already told me to schedule a consult after my first tamoxifen cycle and I am sure she will take note (especially since I will be hysterical on that subject). The problem is that I want to stop being extra-defective RIGHT NOW. Infertile and riddled with adhesions, with constant indigestion? Yawn. I am willing to deal with the fact that I am sick. With serenity (OK, comparative serenity, some of the time), I accept that my cysts have always been larger than anyone ever told me and I have more of them; that I was diagnosed with adenomyosis years ago and never told; that I have cervical lesions; that I have a polyp I never knew about and that will be an additional surgery.

But there are some things I won't let go and for whatever reason this is one of them. I have been this sick for years and I have always had healthy normal CM and I am not willing to let it go. Won't accept it. Not negotiable. I also would not accept it if I stopped menstruating. Rational responses are not adequate, and I am taking control back or so help me I will die trying. I am well aware that this is unhealthy and spiritually unsound but I have been healthy and spiritually sound enough and if all the crap I've dealt with peaceably hasn't been sufficient then that's just too bad.

So in addition to the amoxicillin (took the second one today!), I've kept taking the B6 and I walked over two miles each way in the heat to the store last night to get some M.ucinex...1200mg extra-strength slow release. Sounds powerful, right? Also, I ate about a quarter-pound of baby carrots (I'll explain that one another time).

It has helped...almost not at all. In that I can tell the difference from before, fine, but three months ago, I would have charted today and yesterday as "st" and not even considered "sl." So, I found out there's a store in the area that sells pre-seed - apparently you don't need a prescription. Maybe I'll send the DH for that today. I am aware that my efforts are counter-productive because the goal is not the semblance of health but health. Again too bad...health itself is unattainable anyway, and I endured an HSG and an SHG and a colposcopy that were awful and supposed to be diagnostic and one or all of them has apparently lacerated my cervical crypts? This is my reward for being brave and doing what I was told. Unacceptable. This afternoon, I shall scour the internet for more treatments for CM deficiency, since in the last week I have taken all the ones of which I am currently aware.

6 comments:

  1. I hope your old pills don't make you sick :). I'm sure they're fine -those warnings are probably just to cover the drug companies' asses anyway. It think the worst that will happen is that they'll be less effective.
    I used to have a giant bottle of 75 percocet that I collected over the last 2 years of endo pain. Now I'm down to 20'ish. Too bad I'm not a drug dealer, or I could make some serious bank on those - not sure how you determine the current street value of your pills? LOL, just kidding OF COURSE (that's for the DEA agents reading my comment on your post).

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  2. Renegade amox. pills to the rescue, hopefully! I was all set to ponder your previous post, and you already posted this today! Hopefully I'll still come up with something good regarding letting go.

    How are you feeling otherwise? Hope you're not having too many side effects!

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  3. Nope, I am a Mennonite, actually! Which is not a form of Protestantism either, really, though my peeps did break away from the Catholic church in the 16th century.

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  4. Whoa, Misfit! Steady! While of course you should do what makes you feel good, I'm always a bit concerned when I feel myself heading into self-diagnosis and -medication territory. Those urges, for me at least, also flowed from a distinct sense of powerlessness. In part, that feeling was tied to the fact that my doc wasn't treating me in a way that jibed with my internal sensors, my intuition of what I needed.

    Could this approach not be the best for you? Are there other meds/options that are still in harmony with your faith? I don't know, I'm just sad to feel the hurt behind the defiance. But I'll shut my hippy self up now and just send some love your way.

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  5. I hope those amoxis do the trick. They shouldn't hurt you, they may just be less potent. Good lcuk to you, so hoping for that BFP for you this cycle!

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  6. My RE (way back last Sept) wasn't even interested in doing anything to improve CM. They don't see it as necessary, since they insist that the only way anything with Stage IV endo, adenomyosis, etc will get pregnant is with IVF. My acupuncturist didn't really know (other than the diet I'm already on) of any way to improve CM. My sister took Air Power - I think is the same as Mucinex, but without the additives and stuff (you can get it at Whole Foods). I think I might try that myself this next cycle. Evening primrose oil from CD1 to ovulation is also supposed to help (I used to take it years ago to help menstrual pain, but haven't since). The only other things I've seen are decreasing caffeine. Not a whole lot of help, I know :(.

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