Monday, January 26, 2009


So, I have been very neglectful of my blogging responsibilities. I missed making comments on Thursday AND Saturday AND Sunday (well, I did extra responsive comments already, so I'm only down a total of 17). I will get my comments in today and before bedtime my deficit will be down to six, I swear.

I have a good reason, though. My best girlfriend of fourteen years just moved, so I spent the weekend packing and moving boxes. I got home at a decent hour both nights but I was just so tired. So I'm behind, but I haven't been neglectful in life in general. Also, I got an awesome upper- and lower-body workout. So I ate half a package of double-stuff what? I'm still being virtuous.

Since this is something of an omnibus post, I will also note that I am coming by degrees to the decision that I should do some research on what different cycle patterns and symptoms mean (working just from the little information doctors have the time and patience to give out is less than helpful. I'd like to understand thoroughly what's going on). If anyone knows of a medical textbook or some sort of encyclopedic guide to the hidden secrets of heavy flow, spotting, cycle length change, and all that nonsense, feel free to recommend. Bonus if it's available used on Amazon!

I further note that this is part of my returning-to-treatment phase. I'm starting to realize that a lot of the reason for my rage is because I'm naturally kind of a controlling person and the IF means that one of my highest priorities in life is out of my hands and maybe even out of reach. I feel completely helpless. Thus, even the tiniest threats or inconveniences in my life prompt, well, rage. If I start to learn more deeply what's going on, maybe I can demystify my illness, be less dependent for information on my doctor - possibly even anticipate bad news. And have some feeling that lifestyle changes (diet, exercise, whatever), are rational and take-charge, not just childlike superstition that slavishly obeying apparently crackpot advice has some talismanic, rather than scientific, power to get me a baby. (Or several babies.) That would be better.

Finally, and perhaps most pressingly, I really like Cheetos (the brand isn't important, really, but they have to be crunchy), and I just had a (snack sized!) bag, and I want another. Right now.


  1. Hey,
    You don't know me, but I just read your comment on Alicas blog, and I just thought I would comment that I love what you said today. It is so true, but sometimes so hard to grasp. I am kinda dealing with that with my relationship with God eventhough I have been a believer my whole life. And its true with people in your life too, choosing to love those people, even if they are difficult. God is showing me alot of himself this last month and I am grateful. It was nice to read your comment, and it did speak to me.


  2. Have you thought about going over to Mel's blog, the ever present Stirrup Queens, and reading through some of the diagnosis info pages? That might give you a starting point.

    I self educated so much during my IF battle that at one point on of my OB's nurses asked me if I was ever going to go into medicine...LOL.

  3. Just thought I'd pop over and say hi!
    I definitely think that learning everything you can about your body is a great way of feeling in control. It does have the reverse downside of not being able to easily put those things on the back burner. My vote is still for educating yourself. Can't recommend any specific books since I learned all I know through blogs, websites, and doctors.

  4. Taking Charge of Your Fertility is probably one of the most influential books in women's health available today. It is a user-friendly, informative “how-to” fertility book. Author: Toni Weschler, MPH

    Of course, checking out other blogs is one of my personal favorites.

  5. Symptom interpretation is an arcane art worthy of some grimoire-toting fortuneteller. Spotting, which plagued me for years (yes, years), can mean anything from progesterone deficiency to f'ing cancer.

    You might, just to torture yourself (as I did), try using the search function on Stirrup Queens. That will give you bloggy info about other gals' experiences. Perhaps they will help you understand your own.

    Also, check out the books at your local public library. They often have decent health sections with stuff about female issues. Lots of them are so-so, but there might be something you can glean from them.

  6. "a lot of the reason for my rage is because I'm naturally kind of a controlling person and the IF means that one of my highest priorities in life is out of my hands" Precisely. I spent about 6 months in therapy on this sentence.

    As far as books go, Taking Charge of Your Fertility is good and Mel from Stirrup Queens wrote her own book and it's coming out this summer.