Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Baby Steps

(Ha, ha.) So I made an appointment for an annual exam (this will be the first OB I've seen in a year). That's pretty low-key, but I think it's my entrance back into being In Treatment for IF. I'm apprehensive already, and the appointment is in March. Between now and then, though, I guess I can just go about trying to live my life.

Also, a digression. Because it seems to give them reason to get up in the morning, I know that at some point a doctor is going to tell me that I need to Change Something (not my medication, but my life) or I will never have a child. I don't smoke or drink, or even drink coffee, so they're going to have to get creative. Actually, I already know what it will be. I'm not overweight, but I've gained 10-15 pounds in the last three years-ish. Before that, my clothes fit better and I just felt better generally. I've lost a few in the past few months, and I'm shooting for ten total - getting more exercise and eating healthier, trying to be in better shape. Now, I know I'm not overweight. I've done the anorexia thing myself, so spare me; (relatively) thin people can try to optimize their fitness and weight without being head cases.

Although a rational person would agree to this statement in the abstract, however, I defy anybody to find me an adult woman who will agree to it in any particular case. Well-meaning fertile women have already suggested that I gain five pounds - it worked like magic for them, they got pregnant right away! I've weighed ten pounds more. I did not get pregnant. And you're not infertile. But thank you for playing.

I concede, nobody has yet denied me treatment unless I gain ten pounds. It's probably too early to be angry about it. But this whole issue makes me angry in general. And I do understand that the culture is far meaner to the overweight. I've gotten a window into a world by reading this blog. I can't generally use the sale suggestions, but I think the writing is just fabulous and I enjoy it heartily. But the ridiculous web of criticism, revision, and lies into which women force other women about their weight is insane. As a culture, we should be institutionalized. What, on earth, is up with that?

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